[Issue #5, Fall 2000]
Non-Committal Blurbs for Soft-Hearted or Weak-Willed Book Reviewers
By William Ham
- "If it takes a million monkeys a million years to write the complete
works of Shakespeare, then this book would only require seventeen monkeys
and a week and a half, which is a hell of a lot more humane if you ask me."
- "Makes Valley of the Dolls look like a slightly-abridged
version of the same."
- "A book like this comes along every once in a while."
- "Adventure has a new name, though we still refer to it as 'Adventure'
to minimize confusion."
- "Brings new meaning to the term 'adequate binding'!"
- "A devastating work of fiction, particularly if dropped in great
numbers from a sufficient height."
- "The finest book with that particular title published so far this
year, at least that I'm aware of."
- "Indispensable, judging by the size of most of the dispensers I've
- "From first sentence to last, this book keeps them in the correct
- "I've been waiting a long time for a book to finally rip the lid
off the confectionery industry, snap damp towels of invective at its soft
white underbelly, and expose the dark, infernal machinations of its convoluted
infrastructure for all and sundry to see. Has it come in yet?"
William Ham has contributed to McSweeney's,
Ben Is Dead, Perfect Sound Forever and Lollipop, among
other publications. His books, Infomercials For Myself and The
Under-go-round, will be published shortly after he actually writes some
text to go along with his titles. He lives in Plymouth, Mass.
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